Label: Macabre Unit Recordings - none • Format: File MP3, Mixed 256kbps • Country: UK • Genre: Electronic • Style: Grime, Dubstep
Your Motivation: You're the notorious Jason Vorhees. You drowned as a child because those punk kid lifeguards at Camp Crystal Lake were off fooling around. Now, unencumbered by your own death, you've grown into a strapping man who seeks vengeance upon anyone who enters the old campgrounds. Key Characteristics: Pre-grunge flannel shirt, optional jacket, machete, hockey mask covering disfigured corpse face, desperate need for a shower.
Typical Dialogue: None, although you're followed by an incessant "ch-ch-ch-ha-ha-ha" sound effect that you'd think would tip off potential victims to your presence. Your Motivation: So, you say you're Michael Myers? That means at age six, you stabbed your sister to death on Halloween with a butcher knife because, well, you Anger Management - Macabre Unit - 6 Feet Below Sound 2: Buried Alive . You've been locked in a mental institution for fifteen years, but you escape and head back to your old home—conveniently enough, on Halloween—intent on killing anyone related to you.
Apparently, you're terrible at family gatherings. Key Characteristics: Jumpsuit, old Captain Kirk mask painted white, butcher knife, no emotion to speak of. Typical Dialogue: Cock your head to the side as you look at the corpse of someone you've just killed, as if to say, "Wow, I am messed up. The mask and jumpsuit should be easy to figure out by comparison. Your Motivation: You're Freddy Kruegera child murderer who was acquitted by the justice system but burned to death by a lynch mob.
You Anger Management - Macabre Unit - 6 Feet Below Sound 2: Buried Alive from the dead with the ability to manipulate dreams, a talent you use to get revenge on the children of the people who killed you—because getting revenge on a bunch of middle-aged parents wouldn't be nearly Die Schwarzen Schafe - Exitus sexy.
Jealousy (Bonzais Green Club Mix) - Charles & Eddie - Jealousy Characteristics: Burnt face, ratty fedora, leather glove with knife Danielle Nicole, Derek Marin - DNDM attached to the fingers, gaudy green-and-red-striped sweater, terrible comedic instincts.
For instance: "What a waist! Acid burns might also work; feel free to experiment. If possible, learn how to ingest people's souls so that tiny replications of their faces appear on your chest. That would be cool. Your Motivation: You are a slow-witted man who acts mostly on instinct. You're slavishly obedient to your family and will do almost anything they say with reckless abandon Oh, and you're a cannibal. Key Characteristics: Dress shirt, tie, optional ill-fitting sports jacket, bloody cannibal apron, mask made of human skin, spastic desire to saw people.
Your Motivation: You are Chucky, a serial killer whose soul is trapped inside a doll don't ask. Due to some voodoo fine print, you have to transfer your soul into the body of the first person you reveal your true identity to, but you're free to kill everybody else.
Key Characteristics: Red hair, blue overalls, tiny plastic body, anger management issues, rabid desire to kill. Typical Dialogue: "Ade due Damballa.
Give me the power, I beg of you! In either case, make sure you have health insurance. Your Motivation: You are a resident of Hell who views pain and pleasure interchangeably.
You mostly hang out "downstairs" with your demonic posse, but once in a while you're summoned to Earth when someone solves the Lament Configuration puzzle box, thus opening the gate to Hell. Their prize is to have you tear them to pieces, usually involving chains and gratuitous nudity.
That's the easy part. Then, you'll need either help Anger Management - Macabre Unit - 6 Feet Below Sound 2: Buried Alive a friend or a series of strategically placed mirrors to get the pins nailed into your skull properly.
Now all you have to do is grease yourself up and slip into that skin-tight leather dress. And sell your soul to the Devil. Your Motivation: You love your mother. A lot. I mean, you really, really love her -- so much so that you dress up like her, talk in her voice and kill people who All Of You - Kenny Burrell - Kenny Burrell your turf.
Did I mention that you're nuttier than a fruitcake? Key Characteristics: Nagging old woman voice, old woman dress, old woman wig, butcher knife, tendency to hang around showers. Then get therapy for having rummaged through your mother's drawers.
Your Motivation: You are a great white shark. As such, you are hungry. Luckily, the town of Amity is like a maritime smorgasbord during the summer. In the winter, you vacation in the Caribbean, where you stalk the shark-killing Brody family. Key Characteristics: Gray, shark-like, good swimmer, 25 feet long, apparently holds a grudge.
Make sure to have a body of water nearby that's bigger and saltier than your bathtub. Find a string quartet to follow you around and play your theme song.
Your Motivation: You've got babies to make! If only these humans would be more cooperative. Instead of shooting you, they should let your young ones attach themselves to their faces and lay eggs in their throats. Then, when the baby alien is ready, it'll just pop out of the human's chest and grow up to protect the queen.
For some reason, though, humans don't like the whole dying part. Key Characteristics: Elongated head, double mouth, long tail, in desperate need of a drool cup. Your Motivation: Brains You must eat brains. And intestines. Maybe the occasional arm Forever With Moscow - Urals Russian Folk Chorus* - Songs By Soviet Composers - Russian Folk Songs An earlobe.
Key Characteristics: Slow, dimwitted, decomposing body, appetite for human flesh, fondness for malls. If you can arrange it so that you're wearing a wacky outfit at the time of death, all the better. Allow yourself to decompose for several months for optimum gruesomeness. Stipulate in your will that you be buried in an area close to a nuclear dumping site so that you'll be awakened when the inevitable spill happens.
Mark H. Harris has written about cinema and horror films since His work has appeared on PopMatters. Updated March 17, Jason Vorhees, 'Friday the 13th'. Michael Myers, 'Halloween'. Leatherface, 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'. Chucky, 'Child's Play'. Pinhead, 'Hellraiser'. Norman Bates, 'Psycho'. Shark, 'Jaws'. Alien, 'Alien'.
Zombie, any George Romero zombie movie. Continue Reading.
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